Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Parenting is Hard

Parenting is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. It is draining in every possible way. I'm constantly facing new things I don't know how to deal with, and I question my decisions. Is this the best response in this situation for this child? Tears. We have lots of tears: the kids, me. It's hard not to judge the success or failure of my day by how many tears were shed. Will there ever be a day when no one cries? But tears aren't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's a sign that I've done the right thing. Right now I'm down in the trenches. I wait out tantrums, brainstorm effective discipline, clean up food, toys, laundry, and poop. On one hand I have a baby who is very much attached to my pant leg and cutting molars, too. It's not pleasant for anyone. This also means I'm back to getting no more than four hours of sleep at a time. I start each day weary so my defenses have already taken a major hit. And on the other hand I have a preschooler who is regressing in potty training and challenging each direction I give him. I clean up a stinky messes, discipline, and have the same talks with Desmond every day. Through it all I try not to let it "rock my boat" as Diane Moore put it. Sometimes it doesn't but sometimes it does. I get to the end of myself. My selfish nature says it deserves certain rights like obedience, gratitude, a clean floor and adequate rest. Or how about just going to the bathroom without someone either coming in or crying on the other side of the door? But small children come out with a nature to disobey, demand, make messes and interrupt. I am reminded that my battle is not against them (though at times it sure feels like it), but my battle is against Satan who tries to rob me of my joy and keep me from experiencing God's love and grace. God, thank you for these precious gifts. I love them more than words can express. May these trying days be reminders that my beautiful babies want and need me in every way. I choose to lay down my rights. Help me to draw on your strength and not my own depleted supply as I reflect your love and grace in their lives.