Desmond-Doodle

I captured a picture of Desmond napping the other day because I want to remember the little moments like this.  He’s developed some distinctly Desmond ways of doing things. When he’s getting situated in bed to go to sleep he likes to snuggle all the way under the covers or he’ll at least make sure his head is covered.  He likes to have bear, puppy, and blanket when he goes to sleep.  He is a fidgeter with his blanket and often falls asleep with a corner in his mouth and a corner in each hand. 

  

He loves to play outside. His favorite activities include drawing with chalk, blowing bubbles, pushing around his wagon, collecting rocks, and running through the bushes. He innately knows that trees are for climbing though there are no low branches on our little tree. 

So Desmond got his first major boo-boo one week ago today.  We usually run to the front window to look out and watch Davin put his bike away when we hear him come home.  Desmond fell down a couple stairs and landed on the hardwood entry splitting his chin open.  Yeah, it was a nice way to welcome Daddy home.  We immediately took off for the ER, and three hours later we were home for a late dinner and bed.  Desmond was a trooper but it was really hard to see him get five stitches.  We got them taken out on Friday and the steri-strips came off tonight.  His cut hasn’t bothered him at all, but now it will be my job to keep sunscreen on it to minimize scarring.  But with a name like “Danger” you’ve got to have a scar, right?

  

We enjoyed the Waterfront Village this afternoon.  The best part was the cowboy show.  He got Desmond laughing with his fire juggling.  Here’s Desmond sporting his cool tattoos.

Dozer Days

A few weeks back we went to check out Dozer Days here in Vancouver.  We told Desmond we’d be seeing backhoes and when we pulled in to the parking lot Desmond excitedly says, “Backhoe!!!”  “Do you see a backhoe, bud?” I asked. (No backhoes were in sight yet.)  “No,” he replies matter-of-factly.  Davin and I got a good laugh out of that. 

We didn’t think many people would be at the quarry to check out backhoes, but man were we wrong!  This was quite the event with at least 30 backhoes and bulldozers that older kids could sit in with an “drive” with an operator.  We got ushered in by riding in the back of a huge dump truck.  Desmond was thrilled to just watch the action and play with the gravel. Although he was super excited about the backhoes he didn’t want to get too close or touch them.  Funny guy!  They also had rescue vehicles which Desmond loved.  We were all covered in a layer of dust by the end and there were many tears when we had to leave. (That’s when you know he really had a good time!)

  

Us in the dump truck and Desmond watching the action.

  

In the ambulance and fire truck.

 

Crawling through the tunnels and not wanting to get too close to the huge backhoe.

The "House" Ball is Rolling

We heard on Wednesday that we finally got the written approval from the sellers back to go ahead with our home purchase. The problem is that the bank says we've had this letter since April 23rd. This means we have missed the ten day window to do our inspection and we're supposed to close by the end of May. Umm, yeah... not possible. So we're asking the seller's bank for an extension until June 18th, and we're scrambling to get our financing in order. On top of this our original loan approval has expired and our bank says they're swamped and closing will take a minimum of 30-45 days from our application renewal. Well, that won't work even with our extended deadline. We'd need a second extension which increases our likelihood of having this sale fall through. We met with two new lenders yesterday to see if they can meet our short deadline and maybe even give us a better interest rate. The new lenders both say they can meet our deadline so it comes down to the bottom line of how much our monthly payments and closing costs would be. Of course this all happens on a holiday weekend so we can't find out anything until Tuesday. The ball is rolling, but we're running to try to catch up with it!

Back on Track

Here I go again trying to loose my last few pounds to get to my goal weight. I was doing well until I found out I was pregnant. During my month of pregnancy I gained about 4 pounds. Man, it comes back fast when you stop vigorous exercising and indulge in celebratory ice cream! I don't think I'll stick solely to Jillian's Michaels' Making the Cut diet this time because it more than doubled our grocery bill. I'll keep several of her easy and more affordable recipes and track my calories again to control my intake. I also started Jillian's month of workouts again starting from day one. The first time I did her exercises I went through each circuit once, but this time I'm going to try to do the recommended twice through. The main problem I run into (besides failing endurance) is time. The workouts take about an hour and you're not supposed to rest. Desmond can get bored and/or start climbing on me which makes my routine impossible. My goal is to loose 10 pounds by our anniversary.

An End

My second pregnancy has come to an end.  I had spotting and mild cramping on Thursday evening and Friday.  Saturday morning I did about a 2 mile run with Desmond hoping it could help things get moving.  I felt like I was having a heavy period by mid-day but it was very strange knowing this was a miscarriage not a period.  We went to Costco and around 5 pm I told Davin I needed to go home.  My cramps were actually starting to hurt and I was feeling pretty crummy.  As I visited the restroom while Davin checked out I thought, “I should be more compassionate toward people during the regular course of my day.  You never know what someone’s going through.  Here I am going through a miscarriage at Costco and no one knows.” 

Once we were home about all I could do was lay on the couch with the heat pad.  I think the heat helped but there were a few cramps I had to deliberately make myself relax through and just wait for it to pass.  Davin was sweet and served me dinner on the couch.  Around  7 pm the cramps had subsided and while Davin was putting Desmond to bed I visited the bathroom.  There it was.  So this is the end. 

My bleeding has been much lighter since then with no cramps and I imagine it will all be done soon.  I feel relieved that the worst of it was short and not that painful.  I feel a lingering sadness that I will never know my second baby.  He or she was really only alive for about three and a half weeks.  So short!  May God bless us soon with a third child who is healthy and thriving for many years to come.

A Depressing Day

I feel like sharing my story to help me process things but also to hopefully help someone else facing a miscarriage. I'm told it's quite common, but nothing feels common about this.

Yesterday was a very bad day. I could tell I was depressed from the moment I first woke up and wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed all day. An almost two-year-old makes that an impossibility of course. I was going to go to my new MOMS group for something to do with my morning, but I broke down and was crying so much I decided to stay home at the last minute. My crying didn't seem to worry Desmond, and he thankfully did pretty well playing on his own off an on all day. I gave in to letting him watch a few hours of TV too to help us get through the day.

We tried for six months to get pregnant with this baby and ending in miscarriage two months later is devastating. Who knows how much longer it will take to finish up this failed pregnancy much less get pregnant again, so in a way I feel like we've just wasted the better part of a year (though I know in my head that God wastes nothing).

I am wrestling with whether or not to take Misoprostol to start the miscarriage. I want to get it going so I can have closure and a fresh start. I don't want to go to the hospital for a surgical procedure so I'm not even considering a D&C as an option at this point. I did some online reading of other people's experiences, and no matter which way I go it sounds like a horrible process. I'd prefer for my body to just do it's thing, but it can take a long time for it to get the signal. Either way it's really hard waiting and knowing this terrible day will come. I want to get it over with.

The other issue I had all day yesterday was wanting to eat. I wasn't hungry but I thought about going to buy ice cream all day. I deserve some chocolate, right? I knew it was emotional eating that wouldn't help me and was part of a bad habit so at one point I opted to do a Jillian Michaels' workout instead. It felt good to push it.

I felt much better in the early evening after a phone call with a friend who has also experienced a miscarriage and after Davin was home. I even had mild cramping and a little spotting for the first time. I feel relieved that it looks like things are starting on their own although so far it's a slow start and I haven't had any more symptoms. (I just finished an intense workout this morning thinking it couldn't hurt and maybe somehow it could help get things moving.) If nothing happens in a week I might go the medication route.

Today I feel more emotionally stable and hopeful about my future. I'm looking forward to having some friends over for dinner tonight and doing something fun with the family this weekend.

He Gives and Takes Away

I had a follow up ultrasound today. At my first prenatal appointment things "looked suspicious," and today confirmed that the baby is gone. I never got to see a heartbeat or the baby for that matter. There's just an empty sack. My body still thinks it is pregnant, but it looks like things stopped growing about three weeks ago. It's strange but I've had this nagging feeling that something could be wrong, and I never felt that way when I was pregnant with Desmond. I tried just brushing it off as "pregnancy hormones" but my mother's intuition was right. So now we wait for the miscarriage. There's no way to know when my body will get the signal to start the process on its own. The doctor said it could be as long as four weeks. I could also take medication to start contractions which usually finishes up the miscarriage in about 48 hours. Either way seems horrible. I guess I'll wait for now, but it's hard emotionally to have it drawn out. Thank you to those of you who have been praying and continue to pray for us through this difficult time. We praise God for His provision, comfort, and wisdom in directing our little family. "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job 1:21

My Second Mother’s Day Surprise

Yesterday was my second Mother’s Day as a mom myself.  And with the second year comes a new gift… a second baby!  Yes, I am seven weeks pregnant.  We shared the news with my parents by having Mom take off Desmond’s coat to reveal his “I’m the big brother” shirt.  Also if you ask him what his big news is he’ll say, “I’m a big brother,” which is how we told Davin’s parents.  Now that the grandparents all know the word is out.

We spent Mother’s Day in Albany.  After church we went over to Grandpa’s house and enjoyed lunch together with my family.  Grandpa also just had a nice new deck built on the back patio, the new summer photo spot.